“What Football and Scandal Have in Common”

Like any other aspiring hipster, I read obscure blogs on the internet. Recently, I fell in love with Notes from the Broken Hearted.

The anonymous writer pours heart out for her followers to read. Most recently, she posted an article that I knew I had to share on Head Bitches in Charge. So I contacted the writer. For this blog’s sake we will call her “Jane.”

“What Football and Scandal Have in Common” is a personal perspective by Jane on feminine activities versus masculine activities and how we can compromise those in relationships. We don’t have to give up what we enjoy or be defensive towards things that are not “appropriate” for our gender.

Give it a read, I seriously recommend it. While you’re at it, check out the rest of Jane’s posts. Grab a glass of red wine and prepare for an emotional roller coaster.

7 Things You Should Be Doing to Get Through Midterms (or any week for that matter)

1. Make a plan.
Make a to-do list, organize your planner, make a sticky note and stick it to your
wall and rip it off when it’s completed, whatever it takes. I tend to go
overboard and give myself time slots for everything, including showering and 30 minute relaxation breaks. But hey, whatever floats your boat.
2. Allow yourself little breaks.
Set a timer on your phone and work thirty minutes without interruptions. Then
have a two minute break where you can look at Twitter, Instagram, etc. Repeat cycle. Increase time increments if you can.
3. Plan something fun for when it’s all done.
Someone just asked me how I’ve been so calm with everything I have to do this
week. Well, when I want to break down and sleep for the next five days, I remind myself of the wicked fun thing I planned for the weekend. You may or may not have to repeat this mantra to yourself like eighty times while studying.
4. Multi-task.
Eat while you study, study while you eat. Quiz yourself mentally on facts when you’re driving. Just keep it moving.
5. Don’t skip out on something because you’re “too busy.”
For me, I take a yoga class at my gym on Mondays. You may be extra busy this
week, but make time for the things you do on a regular basis. It will make you
feel more normal.
6. GET. ENOUGH. SLEEP.
You won’t retain as much if you’re tired. Weren’t you listening in 5th grade
health class?
7. Drink extra water.
That coffee you just had dehydrated you. The more dehydrated you are, the harder your crash will be after that caffeine high. Drink some water, save yourself a headache. Hell, maybe even put some lemons or other citrus fruit in it.

l8r sk8rs,

Justine

Transcending Gender

My husband kind of clued me in a couple years ago that I am what some might consider a feminist in ideals.

We talked about it, and yes, in some ways, I am. I would consider myself more an advocate for equality and for cultivating powerful women. It might be because I hate pity, and I never want to see someone pitied. Pity is worse than hate or any other feeling towards another person.

I watch too many women perpetuate what is so pitiful about being weak and submissive. I hate when a woman is scared to talk to a man, or anyone for that matter. I hate when someone is scared to do for his or her self.

There is a difference between a woman who is trying to act tough and a woman who is tough. You notice a woman who tries to act tough, and you see that she is over compensating. You can’t help but to feel that she is out of place and is trying to ‘fake it until she makes it’ in the world – but does she ever really?

You don’t notice a woman who is rightly powerful – you don’t think about her gender so much, and when you do, you think about it in an accepting, almost loving way. You don’t think she is out of her playing field and you will respect and listen to her. She just belongs because she transcends gender.

She transcends gender. 

I consider myself feminine, but I also love to do things that are not. I just like to do… things… that interest me. I enjoy putting on makeup and doing my nails. I enjoy all of that. But I like masculine things, too.

I have done my share of studying and working hard. I earn my paycheck. I have pursued additional education. I am capable.

My husband cooks and cleans and does laundry better than I do. I’m motherly to our pets. We both drive standard cars. He loves hunting and fishing. I love doing sports. There’s a lot of gender role reversals in our marriage, as well as normalities. BECAUSE NO ONE FITS A MOLD. Society has molds designed for us that are largely unattainable. And to perpetuate them is sad, especially in this day and age.

As a little girl, I was called bossy all the time by boys. I was probably bossy to a certain level, as any kid can be, as any boy can be. Sometimes bossy is just that – bossy. But there were times I was treated like I was being bitchy and bossy because I was taking charge and standing up for my views. An argumentative woman is a bitch.

I’ve never been one who handles being controlled well. I do not stand for being walked all over. If I am being used, I rebel. I’ve tried in the past, admittedly, to change. But my inner conscience gets the better of me, and I have no desire to change anymore.

I once had a group of friends who were not treating me well. I ended up standing my ground, which labeled me a bitch. I did not cave. I attempted to work a solution several times, without folding on my stance, but because I didn’t agree to their view, I was in the wrong. (Believe me, sometimes I am wrong… but on this, I do not think I was.)

I was labeled many hurtful things.

I will never be sorry for standing up for myself. I will never be sorry for not being submissive. I will always fight back when I am being wronged.

If you don’t like me as I am, it’s okay. There’s over 6 billion people in this world, and one view is irrelevant. Plenty of other people will take me as I am.

xx Nicki

5 Intellectually stimulating websites you should absolutely know

You may know some, all, or none of these websites. You may be mildly familiar with them – but I highly suggest you really delve into these websites and soak up all they have to offer!


1. TED – Ideas Worth Spreading

A collection of the world’s most fascinating, inspiring, beautiful talks from people that come from all walks of life. They’re an easy listen and you can customize your playlists based on how much time you have and what you’d like to see. It’s literally the most amazing site I’ve ever visited and believe me, if you don’t already watch them, you will want to get on that now.


2. Stumbleupon – Browse the Internet based on your Interests

You make a few clicks and say what you are interested in (any topic at all) and then you click ‘stumble’. Websites from all over the internet have been indexed and categorized and you will come across some of the greatest content you have ever seen. If you like a page, you can browse it, and if you don’t, just click stumble to go to the next.


3. Reddit – The front page of the Internet

This is at once one of the scariest sites and the most fascinating sites on the internet. It’s all user driven, and it has ‘subreddits’ which cater to every interest you can think of. (And if not, you can create one!) They’re basically forums with images, text, links, etc. I subscribe to a variety of subreddits that range from skincare, to specific health issues, to makeup, to funny images. You can do a search and find the subreddit you want and either browse or share content yourself.


4. High Existence – A site dedicated to intellectual thinking, conversing, and articles.

It’s basically a website that is both user driven and creator driven. You can publish your own thoughts and articles and images or you can find others. You will inevitably find something fascinating and mind-blowing to feast your thoughts upon for a little while.


5. Information is Beautiful – Gorgeous, informative Infographics

Browse infographics on a variety of social topics – the one requirement: they have to be visually pleasing. It’s a fascinating way to absorb information and appreciate the art of graphic design.

xx Nicki

23 things you’ll wish you did when you’re older

1. Take time to see the event first hand, not just only through the lens of a camera. Don’t live retrospectively. You do not need to photograph every mundane thing.

2. When eating with company, put down your phone and silence it. Plug it in, even.

3. Post very few pictures of an event and it will be regarded higher than if you post multiple photos of the same thing. It leaves mystery.

4. Take unplanned, different photos, not just posed ones. You will be grateful you did later on. Doing the same pose everywhere could just be replaced by Google images and photoshopping yourself into them.

5. Even if you do not exercise intensely, never stop stretching or your body will hurt by your mid 20’s.

6. Don’t forget about video and home movies. You will be amazed later on at how weird you sounded. Plus it makes for great bonding time. Just hold the god damn camera still.

7. Force yourself to listen to the radio sometimes, not just your phone music. Accept the commercials and possibility of horrible songs and playlists. Don’t touch the station. It will get better and you will appreciate when the good songs come on.

8. Moisturizer is the closest thing you will get to the fountain of youth. PUT IT EVERYWHERE.

9. Invest in a good pair of sunglasses that go well with your face. Nothing is worse than a summer filled of photographic memories in which you wore aviators on full cheeks and looked really bad.

10. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them because having the confidence to do so is attractive.

11. Sit at a right angle from someone when telling them something important. It’s psychologically proven that sitting kitty corner makes people feel more comfortable while still feeling close.

12. Never take your sleep or your orthopedic comfort for granted. Invest in supportive shoes (they can still be cute, or just get insoles) and get proper bedding.

13. Sometimes, all it takes is a brand new pair of socks to make you feel awesome for a few hours.

14. Everyday, do at least one thing that you dread doing but know is good to do. Then you will feel accomplished afterwards and your day will feel worthwhile.

15. If you feel down for no reason, you’re probably not getting enough sun.

16. Take care of at least one thing, even if small. A pet or plant. Doesn’t matter, but take ownership over it. Don’t ever let it suffer.

17. Know a little about lot of different things and you will be interesting. Know a lot about only one thing and you will be boring. It doesn’t mean you can’t know a lot about something, but don’t bet all your chips on it.

18. Clean your sheets every two weeks. Your skin/acne and allergies will thank you.

19. Don’t use the excuse that you are bad with names. Make it a priority and remember them however you have to. There is nothing more insulting that re-meeting someone and them not remembering your name, no matter the excuse.

20. Go to the wakes of friends/family of people who matter to you, even if you did not meet the person who passed away. It means a lot and it’s the personality trait of a person who gets ahead in life.

21. Never cut yourself off from candy/treats completely or you will end up binging on them.

22. At work or school, always be prepared and work hard. It will force out discrimination. If it doesn’t, you will have ground to stand on when you fight for what you deserve. And you will win.

23. Everything you believe in now will probably be different than 10 years from now. Accept that humans change and embrace the journey. Changing your mind based on time and experience is not hypocritical, so don’t hold to ideals just for the sake of doing so.

xx Nicki

Inherent Sexism

Gender roles aren’t something that can be completely eradicated because when to comes down to it, women get periods and women have babies. There are weeks women are biologically programmed to be hormonal and months that they are host to a living being growing inside of their body.

While women take maternity leave, men continue to work and get raises and promotions. And no employer will admit they expect every young woman they hire to leave (possibly for good) within a couple years to give birth to a child. If you get married and are within the child bearing age, you are basically setting yourself up to never get a raise again. (There are always exceptions to this, but many women find this to be the case.)

It doesn’t matter if you paid for the same college education as a male or have achieved just as much – you are a liability to your company by just being born with two X chromosomes.

And meanwhile, the world continues to be run by males, pretending to be more female friendly. It’s 2014, of course we don’t have sexism and gender inequality anymore. I argue that being a female is one of the worst things you can be in the corporate world.

The business world is run with an arbitrary set of rules that make it appear that there is only one option for success: 9-5 hours, in office.

From my experience, the vast majority of business could easily be run off property, off hours, and remotely from home. Yet, somehow the corporate world still finds a way to largely shun this (with exceptions) and make it so choices need to be made that put a women in the position to choose between their careers and their children.

Until the structure of the corporate world is changed, women will continue to struggle. I have read many company policies that use a 4 day work week, 32 hours, that run better than 40 hour companies. The employees use their time more wisely and get more done. Remote access and video calls are easy. Men can be required to take (any or more than they currently get) maternity leave to help their wives. (After all, they too deserve the time with their newborn child.) That way, maternity leave advancement is not a threat to only one gender. These are just ideas, but they are all worth thought. And though anything can be argued for or against, starting the discussion is the first step to change.

Haaave you met Ted?

tumblr_m9y3deAgOa1rq1oz3o1_500If you’re talking/dating (what does “talking to someone even mean” ?!?) just pause and think about how it all started. Where did you meet? How did you communicate those first few months?

In the days of our parents, they had a few options: they met up in person to talk/get to know one another or they spoke on the phone. They were able to focus on each other and it was raw; it was just the two of them. No collaborative text messages or Tinder replies.

People today are so afraid to expose themselves to other people. We huddle around our friend’s phone when “he” texts her and all give our two cents on what her response should be and what emoji she should send, if any. Are we really getting to know one another if it’s actually two groups behind phones or computers? Employers have said our generation is bad with face-to-face interaction during interviews and it resonates into our personal relationship building skills. Are you getting to know her, or her entire group of friends as one voice?

This technology barrier gives false impressions more often than not. Our parents didn’t spend hours with their friends carefully crafting responses to suitors. They responded in real time and it seems to have turned out okay.

Just show up in a trench coat and play music from your boom box for me so I know it’s real.

l8r sk8rs,

Justine